This post is the story of the man I consider to be one of my dads. Yes, you read that right, dads... I have two dad's and one father and in today's society that is probably not that strange, but in the 60's and 70's in middle America it was not considered normal!
If anyone ever reads my posts they might find this story a bit strange and in some cases it may make some people angry, however, this is a piece of my life story and it is my life story that has made me who I am today.
When I was two my parents divorced and my mother and I moved in with mom's parents. My grandpa "Papa" as I called him is one of my two dads, but that is another story, for another time.
I don't know the exact dates, but it was sometime in the Spring of 1969 or 1970, that a co-worker of both my mom and Danny introduced them at a get together after work one Friday. The story goes that my mom and her friend took a ride in Danny's corvette, since my mom was little she had squeezed between them straddling the center console. This is where mom and Danny's love story began... however, it was a complicated story since Danny was already married.
Danny was always around, the only day that I never saw him was Sunday... it wasn't until I was 15 that I learned the truth, that my mom was a mistress. Sunday's was the day Danny spent with his kids from what I thought at the time was his first marriage. I always wondered why we never got to meet his kids as I heard so many stories about what was going on in their lives. I can't tell you how many times I dreamed of being part of a big family, it wasn't easy being an only child.
I learned the truth in a not so good way, my mom's car had some issues, when you put it in reverse it tended to stall and if your car stalls during your driver test it is an automatic fail. I was afraid to use my Papa's car since it was so big. Danny told me he would take me and I could use his Mercury Lynx. When we arrive up at his office his car was not there, so I walked inside. It was either Ed or Hughie who said "he is with his wife at the hospital" I looked at him and he realized what he had said. I walked out and told my Papa that he wasn't there that he was out sick. I went and took my test using Papa's boat and passed!
When I got home that night I locked myself in the bathroom and refused to talk to anyone. I fell asleep on the floor and the next morning I heard Danny's voice on the other side. His co-worker told him what he had said and Danny was now trying to coax me out. I was angry at the world, I didn't understand, I just remember feeling dirty and ashamed. Eventually, I did come out... I don't remember much about this time, probably because I don't think I talked with my mom for months.
In 1984 my first son was born and I named him after Danny "Keith Daniel" to be exact. Danny dotted on that boy, he was a proud grandpa.
My first marriage ended in 1994 and in 1995 I moved to Texas with my now husband, Gil. In 1998 my mom tired of being a mistress and wanting more ended their relationship.
For years I struggled with this, I didn't break up with him, but because of their break-up I became a casualty. In 2002 I wrote a letter, but never mailed it... Keith came home for a visit in 2008 and found the letter in my glove box, he told me that I needed to send it, I explained that I feared someone in his family would get a hold of it and my worse fear was hurting them. Over the next couple of months I re-read that letter at least a dozen times and in February 2009 I re-wrote the letter and placed it in the mailbox.
Danny and I reconnected and communicated via email, text and calls and in January 2011, while I was up in Ohio on a visit, we met up for dinner. Danny had been battling Wagner's Disease for about 6 years, he looked the same, but was obviously more frail. I remember wishing that our time together would last longer, the next day I was flying out and I didn't know when I would ever see him again.
In the fall of that same year Danny slipped and fell, breaking his hip. Due to his Wagner's he struggled with his therapy and in January of 2012 was put in a long term care facility. I continued to email and text, but it would be weeks, before I got a response back. I had a bad feeling in May after two emails and a text were not answered and my fears became reality when on Father's Day I received a message from Danny's oldest son, Craig, letting me know that he had passed away.
I flew to Ohio on Monday and attended the viewing that evening. I stayed in the back, the only place for the mistress' child. I watched the video history which documented him from birth until his 72nd birthday. It felt like I was watching another life, a life I wasn't connected with. I closed my eyes and had my own picture show of the memories I had with him.
As his family smiled and connected with all those coming to pay their respects, I struggled to hold back my tears. I wonder if any of them wondered why this middle aged girl was crying.
Tuesday I arrived at 10:30 and I waited until just before the service was to start to take my seat in the back. The priest congratulated his wife, Ann, for their staying married for over 50 years, he went on to praise his children... selfishly I wanted him to say something about my mom who was a big piece of his life for almost 30 years and what about me?
I said my final good-bye as I walked past the casket, I then got in my rental car and had a good long cry.
Danny taught me to live life to the fullest, to be thankful for the little things in life and to find humor in my mistakes. I am sure that my love of sports, motorcycles and classic cars is because of him.
Daniel Donoughe
June 8, 1939 to June 15, 2012
May the road rise to met you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
The rains fall soft upon your fields
Until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand
May God bless you always
~ G
